I am guilty.
I haven’t been selfish enough. I have given too much, loved too hard, cared excessively and I have forgotten about myself. As females, we are socialised to be caregivers, to put others first before ourselves and provide support to others in any way we can. Some females have already figured out that sometimes we have to be selfish, and most of the time, it is okay to be selfish. I am on my way to not only acknowledging this, but living it.
People assume that being selfish is a bad thing. If someone is to call me selfish, my first thought is that I am offended. Why? What is so wrong about putting my own needs first? Absolutely nothing. I am my only constant in life, I am the basis of everything in my world. If there is a problem with me, there is a problem with everything else in my life because, no matter how hard I try, my own problems cannot be solved by caring for someone else as a way to ignore and “cope” with the original issue.
If I have security and love within myself, I do not need to seek acceptance from others, I understand the importance of my own needs and wants. I value my own feelings. I place myself above everyone else. Caring for me first does not mean caring less for everyone else in my life, and this is something I struggle with. Damn socialisation, I didn’t ask for this.
Everything begins with me. Learning to love myself is a daily challenge, but one which I have entered wholeheartedly. It is so much harder to accept my actions, thoughts, choices and characteristics than it is to accept my physical appearance, because for so long I haven’t been thinking of myself first. Maybe I have been a coward and have purposely done this to avoid truly loving myself. Do I fear myself? Do I fear the person I will become if I truly love myself? Do I fear the person I will become WHEN I truly love myself and I place myself above others in my life?
It often takes a huge wake up call, a slap in the face, so to speak, to fully recognise where you are going wrong in life and although mine came from an unexpected and unwanted situation, I am so grateful. I know that for those reading this, this seems so personal, but I know that I am not the only female who is on this journey.
I lost myself in ignorance. Did I ever HAVE ‘myself’? That is the question I should be asking. My progress is astounding and for the first time, I am honestly proud of myself. I know that I am a beautiful person, but loving myself needs to extend beyond this, I need to feel confident in my abilities, in my love and in my own stability. Only then will I be able to apply myself fully and recognise the importance of me...because I am everything.
